My husband makes £100,000 more than me but wants be to be a stay-at-home mother so we don’t have to pay for nursery – people say I should divorce him
A mother-of-three has revealed that her husband won’t pay nursery costs, even though he earns over £100,000 more than her.
The unnamed woman took to UK parenting blog Mumsnet, to explain that her £24,500 part-time salary couldn’t possibly cover the childcare bill for their three kids aged three, two and five months – and that she shouldn’t have to when her ‘self employed’ husband made £150,000.
The couple who have been married for six years recently decided she would work three days a week, owing to childcare costing ‘too much for five days’ – plus they would continue to split mortgage and nursery fees 75 per cent to 25 per cent, with her taking the lesser share.
After her ‘money-minded’ husband embarked on a new business venture while she was on maternity leave, the pair were ‘financially struggling’ and he decided to resolve matters by withdrawing his share of childcare costs.
People were far from impressed, and took to the forum to lambast her husband, while one person called it ‘financial abuse’.
An unnamed woman has taken to UK parenting blog Mumsnet to reveal that her husband won’t pay nursery costs, even though he earns over £100,000 more than her. (stock image)
Perhaps making matters even worse, was that he demanded she quit her job and become a stay-at-home mother, stripping her of the chance to grow her ‘little to no savings’ pot which she says occurred following ‘three back to back pregnancies’.
She explained: ‘My husband and I got married six years ago and now I have three children (3.5, 2.5 and 0.5yrs). My husband has always had a well-paid job, earning approximately £150,000 a year through self employment and PAYE.
‘I was paid £41,000 a year before having children, after which I went part-time and my salary changed to £24,500 – monthly income after tax/pension is £1,600. The three days I work, are the three days my children are at nursery. I couldn’t go back full-time as the cost of childcare was too much for five days nursery.
‘My husband and I had bought a house after our first child and all my savings were used. I contributed 25 per cent and he 75 per cent to the total.
‘My husband was aware that I could not pay more than 25per cent of the mortgage and it was agreed he would cover 75 per cent, especially as the mortgage was based on my full-time salary and I was now part-time.
‘He also pays for all bills whilst I’m on maternity but I pay for all the children’s needs like food, clothes, belongings etc. He has historically paid 75 per cent for nursery fees and myself 25 per cent’.
To grow their income, her business-savvy husband purchased four properties to rent out, in addition to starting a new business.
The move was not without risk, as with the ‘rising costs of mortgages, bills’ and ‘general living’, they were now ‘financially struggling’.
The mother-of-three explained that her £24,500 part-time salary couldn’t possibly foot the childcare bill for their three kids aged three, two and five months – and that she shouldn’t have to when her ‘self employed’ husband made £150,000
‘I am still on maternity leave and have little to no savings due to three back to back pregnancies’ she added.
‘Financially we were very secure before having our third so at the time, the decision to have a third was okay.
‘My husband is now refusing to pay for nursery for two of the girls. The youngest will be looked after by my parents until she’s two, which my parents kindly did the same for my elder two to save on childcare costs for me’.
She explained it would cost £1600 to put both girls through nursery at the same time, and that they didn’t qualify for tax-free childcare because her husband earned above the threshold of £100,000.
She continued: ‘He is demanding that I quit my job and be a stay-at-home mum to look after the children.
‘I will not be able to work part-time and afford nursery based on my salary alone.
‘Am I being unreasonable to want to keep my job so that I also have a source of income?
‘Am I being unreasonable to expect my husband to pay for nursery considering his salary compared to mine? Especially considering I am only earning statutory maternity pay?’
People were far from impressed, and took to the forum to lambast her husband, while one person called it ‘financial abuse’
Many parents disagreed with her husband’s stance, while some even called for the poster to get a divorce.
‘(Head in hands) Sorry but how have you got to this point? When married with kids all income should be pooled. And I’m begging you not to become a stay-at-home in that scenario. He’s being utterly selfish. Does he not realise they are his offspring as much as yours?’
‘You are being financially abused’ responded another.
One person advised: ‘Do not quit your job, even if you have to use all of your salary. You can claim child benefit and then your husband would have to pay it back through his tax. Ask him if he would rather go about things in this way.
Someone else said: ‘It does sound as if divorce is a far more viable financial option for you’.
Speaking in an updated post, the woman said her husband refused to sell any of his properties or shares.
And agreeing with other users, she also considered a divorce: ‘Financially, I will be better off with a divorce and I think the way our relationship has turned since falling pregnant with our third, it seems like the only option.
‘I keep giving chances to my husband to change and I have refrained from contacting lawyers due to the fact that I wanted to keep a family unit for the children. He has good days but with the new business, it has really ruined our whole lives’.
Meanwhile one person added: ‘Yet another couple who don’t seem to understand what marriage actually is. Everything is shared between you – salary, properties, savings. There is no “my money, your money”. You should be looking at your joint income and your joint outgoings, not who can afford what’.